I recently reread “How To Win Friends and Influence People”. Dale Carnegie has so much valuable wisdom and life-long advice that has withstood the test of time! Highly recommend reading it if you haven't before.
“Talk to someone about themselves and they'll listen for hours.” - Dale Carnegie
One chapter talks about how the best way to be a great conversationalist is to listen attentively, ask questions, and let others talk about themselves.
However, this concept had been confusing to me for a while; it says everyone loves talking, except… Not everyone seems to. For example, introverts sometimes prefer to stay quiet. Some people are shy and find it easier to say nothing than anything. They may feel like it's too much pressure to have the spotlight on them.
The other night, I met someone new. She was quite shy. I asked open-ended questions to try to get to know her. But using Carnegie’s technique, she’d answer with one line and stop. The conversation dwindled. How could it be that everyone likes talking? Was I not doing it right?
One of my friends loves gardening and looking after the environment. She doesn't usually talk much. However, the other day we were driving together, and I opened the conversation by asking what her what her favourite tree is. She told me, I asked more about it, and from there on, she was off! I recalled how when I heard her talking the most at parties it was usually about something related to the environment.
Reflecting on other social situations, have you noticed how we light up as soon as we begin talking about a topic we’re interested in or hear someone bring it up?
Everyone enjoys talking about things they’re passionate about.
Everyone enjoys talking about their passions, hobbies, and achievements.
When making conversation, our focus shouldn’t necessarily be on getting the person we’re talking with to speak the most, but rather, on figuring out what they love to talk about.
There are so many more ways to improve your charisma and conversational abilities. And they all intertwine! This is just the tip of the ice berg. Now that you know people enjoy talking about their passions, how do you actually get them to? Feel free to reach out for coaching on developing your personal skills.
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