A while back, a friend of mine was having a bad week. He was struggling with his girlfriend, as well as having lots of disagreements with his parents. On top of that, he had a bad cold. Although quite sweet in nature, and usually enthusiastic, patient, and intellectual, he became very short-tempered, with little things throughout the day triggering him. At one point, simply dropping a pen caused him a mini tantrum-like outburst. It was not pleasant for himself or anyone around him.
Our emotions
On a daily basis, it’s difficult to remain in a state of peace and joy. Our emotions are continuously changing, and when we’re in a certain mood, it can completely take over. Fleeting moments of joy or sadness may feel like they will last forever. However, every emotion always passes eventually. We get to determine when. When difficult moments arise, slow down, breathe, and connect with your inner voice and self.
Every day when we wake up, we can make a choice. A choice about our mindset for the day, a choice about whether we are going to stay true to our standards, a choice about what things we are going to let affect us throughout the day, and so on. Maybe someone made a rude comment; your boss is getting on your nerves; you studied hard but didn’t achieve the grade you expected; you haven’t felt appreciated by your partner; or didn’t receive that award or promotion you thought you would. No matter how life is right now - whether you’re on top of the world or whether it sucks - we can filter what we let in, and what we put out to the world.
What mindset are you choosing each day?
It can be fun to be moody. It sounds counterintuitive, but really, it can be fun to feel angry, frustrated, and mad at the world. It can feel good to hold anger towards someone, especially when we feel justified because we know they’re in the wrong! However, anger is to the soul and mind, like toxins to the body. Buddha said, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” In truth, it does not affect others, but only yourself. It’s normal to have ups and downs throughout life, and experience all sorts of emotions, however, it’s what we do with our emotions that matters. The Bible says to not let the sun go down on your anger. Whether you’re religious or not, we can abide by this. At the end of the day, anyone who’s upset you, challenging circumstances that are stressing you out, any tension you feel… Let it flow out, and let your body and mind be renewed, so the following day, you can wake up fresh and leave yesterday’s struggles behind. Staying annoyed at someone will hurt you - not them. Constantly stressing about that assignment or work project isn’t going to get it done. Thinking about the past and how things could have been different isn’t going to change it. Move forward.
One day, I was feeling so drained, and I couldn’t figure out why. As I tuned into the people around me conversing, it suddenly hit me. These people were continuously complaining, gossiping, and all-round being quite negative: “I’m not smart enough,” “did you see Lucy’s new hair, she dyed it blue. Isn’t it ugly?”, “my sister is pregnant, but her boyfriend has run away”, “life just sucks right now”... Listening to gossip or jumping on the complaining bandwagon is often tempting. Have you ever consciously tuned into how many times a day we complain? I even noticed myself sometimes complaining or wording things in a negative way without realising. For example, the same day when my brother got home from work, he asked me how my day was and the first thing that sprung to mind was a difficult situation I’d had that day. We have to be mindful about the way we’re phrasing our thoughts, and how this is affecting ourselves, as well as those around us.
The secret:
I’ll let you in on a little secret: there is a cure for negativity. It is so simple, yet so powerful. It can transform our thinking, the way we experience life, and improve our happiness. It is gratitude. Negativity and gratitude cannot coexist within us at any given time; how can you feel deeply grateful for a certain friend, while also thinking of his or her flaws? How can you feel grateful for the beautiful, blue sky outside while thinking about pollution and climate change? How can you feel grateful to be able to connect with others through technology while condemning it for the control it has over our lives? No matter the situation, there is always something to be grateful for. Find that. Connect with it. When your mind jumps to a negative thought or complaint, rephrase it into gratitude. Gratitude may not fix every issue instantly, but it can help to change the filter through which we view life.
There's always something to complain about. There's also always something to be grateful for.
Imagine you’re going for a walk up a mountain. Visualise the beautiful scenery. Breathe in the crisp air, letting it flow through your body, refreshing you. Appreciate the sound of birds singing. Appreciate the green enveloping you. Appreciate your health and that you have two legs you can freely walk on. In the little moments in your day, find ways to feel grateful, like when you’re making your morning coffee, commuting to work, or are about to fall asleep. You will feel the amazing difference. It only takes a few seconds, but the impact is long-lasting.
Negative emotions and experiences are a natural part of life, however, it’s how we react to them that matters. Let them be an opportunity to learn and grow. Negativity will never serve us, so consciously tune into gratitude to help let go of it. This takes self-control and discipline, but it’s definitely worth it.
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