Introduction
Once we’re past our school and university days, and have entered the workforce, it becomes harder to meet new people. At university, we have exposure to a diverse array of opportunities to meet people including classes, parties, events, and clubs. It is the perfect time to network and develop friendships for our lifetime.
The key principle to discuss is the concept of creating the reality we want for ourselves.
What does this mean?
As with anything, making friends comes down to taking action. Creating the reality we want for ourselves means that if we actively want more friends, we should actively seek to make it happen - rather than passively waiting for people to walk into our lives.
It’s easy to sit and feel sorry for ourselves, or to complain to someone, wondering we you don’t have more friends. However, we can reframe our thinking by instead looking at what we are currently doing or not doing to find and attract the right people.
“Don’t wait for things to happen. Make them happen.”
Doing everything in your power to create your own reality when it comes to building friendships has two steps. The first step is meeting people. This means going to social events; joining clubs; saying yes to invitations to go out; going to classes in person. At events, talk with people besides those you already know. Additionally, everywhere you go, make an effort to start conversations. With classmates, there tends to be ice to break; unfortunately, it’s easy to sit next to someone all semester and leave, never even knowing each other’s name. Yet, every person has a whole life story, quirks, and hobbies we have no idea about. It takes proactiveness and an interest in other people to make the most of opportunities and develop our network.
The second step is sparking and sustaining a friendship. Sometimes you click with someone. There are cool conversations. Perhaps you now follow each other on Instagram. But then you call it a day and never talk again! If you find someone you like and could potentially befriend, ask them for coffee, a study date, or another simple way to spend some time together (on campus may be a good idea because it’s casual and convenient). Once you’ve hung out a bit, you can stay in contact by inviting each other to different events, sharing study notes, chatting on social media and so on.
These are how friendships develop. You sow a seed and nurture it continuously until it blossoms (or dies if it doesn’t work out).
Many people might not try at all and still end up meeting people, having a friend group and feeling happy, while others will need to actively put themselves out there to make more friends. Some may already have an established group of friends and just want to further network. Either way, it’s worth making the most of opportunities to meet new people, which requires putting in consistent effort. We do only have so much time though; some people may remain acquaintances while others become closer friends we spend time with regularly.
If you are doing all of these things, and still struggling, there may be a more specific reason. Perhaps you need to tweak your behaviour and how you approach interactions so people are more receptive. Feel free to reach out to me if you would like more support in this.
Conclusion
In meeting people and making friends, there’s always an element we can control as well as an element we cannot. You can go to plenty of parties and events, but it requires a touch of luck to find what you’re looking for. Sometimes, you’ll do everything you can and nothing will happen. However, keep creating opportunities for yourself. You will eventually attract the people you want into your life, having your desired reality.
Best of luck!
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