It’s the start of 2024: a time of new year's resolutions and goal setting. It’s no secret that the toughest part of achieving goals is the execution. Nearly 90% of people fail to achieve their goals by the end’s year. Are you usually in that 90%? It’s not too late to change that. Here’s 7 reasons you may struggle to achieve your goals and some solutions.
1. Fear is Holding You Back
We have heard of fear of failure, but how about fear of success? Yes, you could be secretly afraid of achieving your goal.
You may have subconsciously attached expectations to your future self who has achieved the goal. For example, once you lose weight there may be pressure to put yourself out there in dating - which is scary. Once you improve your interpersonal skills there may be pressure to climb to a tougher job with new responsibilities and challenges.
Even though these outcomes are for our better, the fear of entering unknown territories can lead to self-sabotage. We’d rather stay safe by battling the challenge we already know. Facing that current challenge still sucks, but we get comfortable with the familiar loop of emotions and reactions and become addicted to the cycle.
So, what’s the solution?
Humans are emotional creatures. It is the emotional part of your brain creating these false narratives and fear, and hence, you must appeal to your emotional brain to overcome this. One way you can do this is through visualisation.
There’s plenty of YouTube visualisations you can choose from to guide you. The overarching idea is to develop a vivid mental image of yourself achieving the goal. You experience the joy, gratitude and sense of accomplishment you’ll feel when you succeed - the key to entering an elevated state where you feel like you already are your highest version of yourself. If you feel like you are your best you, you will act like your best you, allowing it to come true.
2. You Don’t Actually Want to Achieve the Goal
Exploring Motivations
Sometimes external pressures like a partner, parent, or societal expectations will steer our goal setting. Someone close to us will tell us what career decision to make (other people’s opinions and advice are always projections!) or TikTok might tell us the latest way to get rich. We will think we want to achieve our goal so badly when the desire is manufactured rather than growing naturally from within ourselves. This can lead us to not be willing to take the action and self-sabotaging in an attempt to rebel when we’re not acknowledging what we really want.
What inspired you to chase after this outcome? Do you actually want it or is it influenced by external pressures? If you don’t actually want it, deep down you’ll know - understanding what’s going on deep down requires time and self-honesty (I recommend meditation).
Need for Change vs. Self-Acceptance
Reflect on why you want to achieve your goal. It’s important to recognise what tangible problems the goal addresses. In some cases, the current situation may not actually be problematic and only require a perception shift.
For example, my friend always wanted to be an early bird because he read that’s what most top successful leaders and CEOs do to be healthy and productive. Upon reflection, he realised his night owl tendencies didn’t actually hinder his productivity or well-being. In fact, his creativity usually peaked during later hours. He accepted his night owl nature, allowing him to redirect his energy towards goals that properly mattered to him instead and let go of what he thought he had to do to improve.
Some questions to ask yourself
What is the current issue? How does this issue affect other areas in your life?
How will achieving this goal change that?
Is this goal the best solution?
Is change or self-acceptance the better approach and why?
3. You Don’t Want to Achieve the Goal Enough
The question you must ask yourself here is, “are you willing to sacrifice what it takes to achieve this goal?”
Some may be capable enough to be in a higher-earning career, but don’t want to sacrifice their work-life balance to be in that job. Some may have the potential to be a bodybuilder, but don’t want to sacrifice freedom in eating and casual social gatherings with friends.
Some people say “I would do anything to have x (whatever x is)”. Would you kill for that body? Well how about investing 1hr a day exercising and cutting down on sugar?
If you’re not willing to do what it takes to live the life you want to live, don’t fantasise and dream. Let it go and focus on learning to be content with your current state (which may also be a fine option, stop crying).
Achieving goals means prioritising sacrifices over comfort. How badly do you want it?
4. You're Unrealistic
Small, consistent changes have massive impact compared to drastic changes that are unsustainable.
Think about brushing your teeth. If you brushed your teeth for 24 hours* straight and never again until the next year, your teeth would be disgusting (and probably dying during that 24 hours). Only two minutes twice a day makes all the difference long-term.
For building healthy habits, I recommend reading James Clear’s “Atomic Habits”, about how tiny changes compounded over time lead to amazing results.
For now, here are two key ideas from Atomic Habits that significantly helped me.
1) The Two-Minute Rule
The two-minute rule suggests that any habit or task that takes less than two minutes to complete should be done immediately. This principle is a powerful tool for initiating small, consistent actions without feeling overwhelmed.
I used this rule to become a tidier person - in the past after getting home and changing, I would dump my clothes on the table. The clothes would compile over the week into an overwhelming mountain too tall to tackle. The two minute rule helped me to change this. I started putting things away straight away.
2) Make It Easy
The idea of ‘making it easy’ involves starting with actions that are so small they seem almost trivial. This aligns with the concept that small, consistent habits are more likely to be sustained over time.
In my first year of university, despite having a free gym membership with my accommodation, I struggled with consistency in my workout routine. I would force myself to go five times in one week, then take one or two weeks of “rest” before feeling motivated again. This on-off cycle hindered my progress.
It was only when I decided to focus on consistency over intensity that I experienced a breakthrough.
This did mean lowering my expectations.
I committed to going to my favourite gym class once a week. Just once a week. Over time, I slowly added more gym sessions, as I started to crave the feeling of exercise more. The ‘make it easy’ rule allowed me to turn going to the gym into a sustainable habit.
5. You Give Up Too Early
Motivation is surging at the beginning - you’re so excited to take action and start reaching your goal. You find yourself after your first workout checking your stomach in the mirror to see if there’s any changes.
Ah damn, my stomach is still bloated, I guess it’s not working.
Seriously?
*guilty face*
Just because you’re not seeing the difference yet, doesn’t mean it’s not working. Keep putting in the effort and be patient with results!
"The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit"
6. Falling Short At Critical Points
Initial Enthusiasm vs. Sustained Motivation
At the outset of any goal, motivation is usually at its peak. One week goes by… It’s great. Another week goes by… It’s fine. Week three… The novelty of making a change begins to fade away and you have to rely on your own strength to keep going. Eventually, at some point, you find yourself at a crossroad facing temptation. Either you can keep moving forward, or you can turn off the path, being lured into the darkness (dramatic, I know).
This is the real test - where 90% fail, while the 10% keep going to succeed.
What's the key to succeeding here?
Embracing Your Emotional Why
You always hear how important it is to write down why you want to achieve your goal as motivation when the road is rough.
However, most people are doing it wrong.
The secret is to find your Emotional Why.
Your Emotional Why may make you bubble up and boil with anger or it may make your eyes water and body soften. It is a deep, core feeling that gives you drive. To find your Emotional Why, keep asking yourself “why” until you hit a point that resonates with you more deeply and aligns with your values.
Example 1:
The goal: to learn how to invest.
Why? So I can be independent and have financial stability. Why? So I can travel. Why? I want to experience the beauty of the world and experience different cultures while I’m young. I value open mindedness and want to gain perspective about different lifestyles and societies.
Boom. Doesn’t that make your heart sob? No? Okay.
Example 2:
The goal: to improve my social skills
Why? So I can be less shy and more confident. Why? So I feel comfortable going to more parties. Why? When I go into social situations, I feel my personality dampen. Why? I get stuck in my head and feel like everyone is judging me. I become a shell of myself, like an outsider looking in. Then I get mad at myself for being that way and go home feeling disappointed and melancholic. I don’t want to feel that way anymore.
Boom.
Try to link your Emotional Why to a specific memory or vision. Humans are emotional, so turning our motivation into an emotional story can give us the fuel we need to keep going. It is like a movie scene playing in your head.
"Perseverance is not a long race; it's many short races one after the other." - Walter Elliot
7. Are You a Perfectionist?
While perfectionism can be a character strength, it can also be one's downfall.
Imagine you are walking on a path to reaching your goal. Think of each mistake as a little detour or pause. If you keep moving forward, you will still be moving towards your goal. However, if you give up and start walking back to your start point, you’re definitely not getting to your destination.
Humans make mistakes. This is okay.
Resilience is not about avoiding mistakes but about bouncing back from them stronger.
Mistakes are not failures. So don’t turn them into failure.
Conclusion
You will face challenges as you work towards becoming the person you want to be. There are no magic tricks for achieving our goals and it takes time, patience, and perseverance. Reflect on what resonates with you in this article and start practising it. At the end of 2024, will you be in that 90% or 10%?
Comentários