“Call Me by Your Name,” directed by Luca Guadagnino is a coming-of-age romance set in the Italian countryside in the summer of 1983. Timothée Chalamet plays the role of Elio, while Armie Hammer portrays Oliver.
Watching “Call Me by Your Name” left me in awe. It felt like a dream, a gradual descension into a world that was simultaneously vivid and blurry. Initially, I was sceptical about the love story's unconventional aspects, such as peculiar directorial choices and thinking, "are their ages were even legal?!" The film went on and before I knew it, it hit me that I’d fallen in love with Elio and Oliver’s love story.
After watching the film twice finishing the book within a couple of weeks, I started to ponder the lessons embedded within this beautiful love story and how we could apply these in our own lives. Today, I will share six lessons we can learn from Call Me By Your Name.
1. Enjoy Each Phase in Life
The film is incredibly bittersweet. In particular, we experience this during the scene where Elio and Oliver run through the mountains with Mystery of Love playing. It's a lush green backdrop, and they’re laughing and playing, juxtaposed by this acoustic melancholic song. All these feelings stir up within the viewer: nostalgia, joy, and sadness… Just as Elio and Oliver have to, we must savour their last moments together - and then let it go.
Life, like Elio and Oliver's summer romance, has phases: we’re only our age for so long; new job opportunities may arise; friendships wax and wane; passions evolve and transform; people come and go. However, many people may become stuck on the person they once were in the past or the past opportunities they could have taken. Many people also hold anxiety about the future: “where will I be 10 years from now?”.
“We belonged to each other, but had lived so far apart that we belonged to others now.”
Some people focus on all the negative aspects of their current life, such as how they aren’t yet in their ideal career or haven’t met the right person yet. Challenges are a natural part of life, but risk overshadowing the potential for joy and beauty in other aspects of our lives.
You may not be swept up in a hot summer fling, but there may be aspects of your life that are temporary and easy to take for granted. This could be where you live, your lifestyle, your job, or the people around you. Recognise these aspects and appreciate them.
You cannot recreate the past, nor can you control the future. The only time period you can truly enjoy is the present.
“We had the stars, you and I. And this is given once only.”
2. Cultivate Passions
Both Elio and Oliver have a range of interests and hobbies. Elio is a talented pianist and linguist, Oliver is a graduate student conducting academic research. These interests make them multifaceted and intriguing to each other, as well as the audience.
People are more attracted to people who are passionate about something.
What makes your eyes light up as you think of it?
Engaging in activities you love makes your life more fun and interesting, while giving you something to share with others. It can also lead to meeting more like-minded people. However, life is always busy and it can be easy to forget to invest time into our hobbies. After a long day, you may want to kick up your feet and turn on the television instead.
If you feel like this, remember, prioritising activities you love outside of work and friends will enrich your life and make you feel happier and more accomplished in the long-term.
3. Risks Lead to Growth
Elio comes across more reserved and shy. I thought he would hold back while Oliver progressed the relationship, but no - it was Elio making all the moves! The confession through literature, the secret notes, the hand on the crotch...
Though there was chemistry, Elio was doubtful about how Oliver felt. Nevertheless, he was bold and didn’t care what anyone thought.
"Did I want him to act? Or would I prefer a lifetime of longing provided we both kept this little Ping-Pong game going: not knowing, not-not-knowing, not-not-not-knowing?"
Many times in life, the more risk we are willing to take, the more dangerous, yet the more potential there is for reward. For example, switching jobs may be uncomfortable, but lead to more satisfaction and opportunities in the long-term. Navigate decision-making with courage, as well as wisdom.
We don’t have to take giant leaps, but take small steps to experiment with new things and explore different paths. You never know what possibilities may unfold when embracing the unknown.
4. Love is Simple
Call Me By Your Name doesn’t fall into the trope of being a stereotypical gay love story - it’s just a romance that happens to involve two guys. It highlights how love doesn’t have to be complicated or fit into boxes - it's just a beautiful, human thing that we can all understand and connect with, no matter who we are or who we love. Anyone can relate to Elio and Oliver and their simple summer of love.
5. Vulnerability Creates Meaningful Connections
Another lesson we can learn is the power of vulnerability in building deeper relationships. Throughout the film, Elio and Oliver discuss their fears, desires, and uncertainties, fully opening themselves up to one another. Calling each other by their own names is a manifestation of this, as their willingness to be fully exposed to one another blurs the lines between their individual identities.
Opening up to others and expressing our authentic thoughts and feelings can be challenging, especially considering how easy it is to present a facade of ourselves to the world. Vulnerability can open us up to being more deeply hurt by others. However, it can also lead to more profound and meaningful relationships.
"We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to feel nothing so as not to feel anything - what a waste!”
6. Stay True to Yourself
At times, societal pressures or social influences like friends and family can steer us towards a predefined life or specific persona. We may sometimes succumb to these perceived standards and end up pushing aside our real desires. However, Elio and Oliver embrace themselves and their wants without trying to change who they are.
In the first piano playing scene, Elio plays multiple variations of “love my way” to Oliver, nonverbally conveying a range of sentiments - perhaps longing, vulnerability and his desire for a deeper connection. Elio stays true to his personal style, using music to articulate layers of emotions his words may struggle to capture. Elio could feel pressured to sideline his feelings for Oliver, but he approaches the relationship in an unconventional way that comes naturally to him, accepting who he is and communicating how he’s most comfortable.
“We are not written for one instrument alone; I am not, neither are you.”
In a similar vein, we should accept our own values and desires without letting external factors control how we approach life. When we accept ourselves fully, the right people will also understand and appreciate us for our authentic selves, as Oliver accepts Elio.
Conclusion
Call Me By Your Name is a heartfelt film that stays with the viewer emotionally. It is also a collection of timeless lessons that resonate with the universal aspects of human existence. It can inspire us to appreciate the beauty of life's fleeting moments and to approach love and self-discovery with an open heart.
Thank you for reading this blog post. Which of these lessons resonated with you most? Let me know in the comments and reflect on it in your own life. Ciao!
Brilliantly explained. You have captured the essence of this film beautifully!
🙌